Client stories are composite to protect confidentiality

REBECCA's background

Rebecca is fifty-four, planning for an early retirement after a successful and productive career as an attorney. She has been sober for almost twenty years, divorced ten years ago, and is dating. Her grown children live out of state, and retirement will allow her more time to travel and be with her grandchildren.

Rebecca reports she is generally satisfied with her life, but has some concerns about designing this next phase, when her career-long routine will be significantly changed. She’s also concerned about dating and her desire to be in a long-term committed relationship again. She believes her difficulties with intimacy and trust may be underlying the lack of a committed partner. She’s highly motivated to taking whatever action is necessary to improve the quality of her life and sobriety.

Summary of Rebecca's success

Rebecca presented with these issues when she started coaching:

• sense of something missing
• difficulty with intimacy and trust in primary relationships
• desire for committed partner
• desire for community
• concerns with next phase of life - retirement

At the conclusion of our work, Rebecca was able to declare these outcomes:

• improved sense of spirituality - stronger connection with a Higher Power, deeper faith, fulfilling meditative practice embodied in daily life
• somatic bodywork - breaking down of armoring in the body that had Rebecca feel tight and disconnected from her significant other, allowing her to tolerate the vulnerability of intimacy and a deep one-on-one connection with another
• deepening connection - Rebecca is in a new and promising relationship with someone who could be a long-term partner
• community support - now active in a variety of different communities such as 12-step, Sierra Club, yoga group, meditation group
• plan for retirement - proactively engaged in designing a plan for retirement, Rebecca reports feeling confident and excited about this next phase of her life

Rebecca's program

With a foundation of basic self-care already in place (regular exercise, healthy eating choices, supplements/vitamins, etc.), we began by looking at the related issues of physical health, balance between work and play, the next level of self-care (massage, pedicures/manicures, etc.) and fun. We began with:

• general physical exam with her N.D. (Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine)
• consultation with a personal trainer for optimal working out practices
• establishment of regular appointments for massage, pedicures/manicures, chiropractic, etc.
• daily journaling to reveal patterns of mood, thoughts, emotions, automatic assumptions and limiting beliefs
• commitment to having fun with friends on a regular basis, designing activities such as: movies, dinner, theater, sailing, hiking, Sierra Club, singles events, etc.

Healing trauma

Having revealed Rebecca’s difficulties with being vulnerable, trusting, emotionally available for intimacy and asking for help, we tracked back to her family of origin a number of experiences when she was left feeling small, belittled, criticized and ‘less than.’ [Incidentally, many alcoholics and addicts report such experiences, a sense of ‘not belonging’ or ‘being different’, ‘not fitting in.’] Albeit a "small t trauma" (versus obvious physical or sexual abuse we would call "Large T Trauma"), we can anticipate some or all of the following characteristics:

• difficulty in feeling "safe" in situations someone not traumatized would feel comfortable and not threatened
• desire to withdraw from situations calling for vulnerability and/or intimacy
• hard to trust others, even when no evidence of untrustworthiness exists
• deep holding of the musculature of the body, in an effort to keep perceived danger at bay, with the resultant chronic tension wreaking havoc with the body’s ability to be present and powerful

Facing the world with these internal drivers provides the perfect set up for self-medication with alcohol and other drugs. Once the alcohol and other drugs have been withdrawn, in order to stay sober over the long-term, clients in recovery must pay attention to the original trauma and its long-term effects on the body and psyche. One of the most effective methods to resolve trauma is somatic bodywork. This is because:

• trauma is stored at cellular level, and can only be released at cellular level
• trauma creates horizontal bands of armoring (or holding of tension) along the length of the torso, and releasing that banding opens up the possibilities for the body to be in different (and more effective) action
• the structure of a depressed body is different than the structure of a confident body – the body must be shifted at structural level, not just through the psyche

This is where the technology of somatic bodywork and somatic coaching truly opens the door to a powerful future. We believe that without the capacity to be present, authentic, congruent, honest, compassionate and so on, there is extremely limited capacity to have a satisfying, enriching, rewarding life. These capacities live in the body, not the mind. If all we had to do was decide to be slender, successful and happy – we’d all be all those things! Rather, these capacities exist in the body at structural level.

Over the next couple of years, Rebecca engaged in weekly somatic bodywork, and began to release the trauma stored in her body. Over time, she was able to sustain being vulnerable and intimate with her boyfriend, deepening their connection and relationship.

Rebecca - moving to the next level

With good health and a support system, the stage is set for the next level of work – delving into quality of life issues, exploring questions such as:

• What’s my purpose?
• How shall I design my retirement?
• What legacy shall I leave?

Now the fun really begins! Underlying these questions are concerns such as:

• Does Rebecca live her life in authenticity, congruently, and with passion?
• Does Rebecca have access to a wide range of emotions?
• Is Rebecca emotionally available for a significant relationship, and closeness with her kids and grand-kids?

This is where the technology of somatic coaching truly opens the door to a powerful future. Without the capacity to be present, authentic, congruent, honest, compassionate and so on, there is extremely limited capacity to have a satisfying, enriching, rewarding life. These capacities live in the body, not the mind. If all we had to do was decide to be slender, successful and happy – we’d all be all those things! Rather, these capacities exist in the body at structural level.

With Rebecca committed to exploring at a deep level, we began the process of designing her life to be satisfying and successful (her definition of success). Utilizing bodywork, standing and sitting somatic practices, body awareness scans, self-expression exercises and meditation, Rebecca incorporated a co-designed series of practices into her life over the next several months.

Naturally, most people have the ability to take the above steps, however, our experience shows us that the majority may start but don’t stay in these actions over the long-term. The distinct advantage of our program is that clients are designated a personal coach, with whom they have weekly, and sometimes daily, contact. Together, the coach keeps the client accountable and responsible for his or her actions and therefore outcomes.